So it doesn't take a genius to notice that it has been almost a month since I last posted. Why is this you may be asking yourself.... probably not? This past month all things mental health have reached one of it's lowest points yet and a lot of it has to do with change. So, I thought I'd take the time to explain this (lucky you) in case anyone else happens to have similar feelings and also because I would like to treat part of this blog almost like a personal diary.

I am 18 years old and have recently finished school - the photo above was taken on A Level results day and the last time I ever set foot on my school grounds. The majority of people in my year carried on with education by going to university, however I've always felt like this wasn't the right step for me to take, and so naturally I decided to take the employment route, the only issue is, I'm not actually employed.

This was all well and good throughout August as no one had left to go to university especially because it just felt like summer and as if we were going back to school in September, but as time has gone on, I'm still moping around my house, with sheep for neighbours, and no driving license to give that much needed freedom.

Now, it should be noted that there are several reasons for why this is the case, but I wanted to focus on change in this post, something I never realised I struggled with until now. I was in full time education for 14 years of my life, and it's all I was used to. Following the same routine day in, day out, always knowing where I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to be doing... most of the time, and always thinking about the time I would leave school as something far in the future and making plans, but now that it is here, it is nothing how I imagined it.

I always thought I'd get a typical 9 to 5 job, knowing that's not what I wanted to do as a career, and save for camera equipment, finish learning to drive and I would feel so grown up, but I soon realised this would be a lot more difficult than I thought, and the longer I put it off, the worse it is getting. Everyone always told me that they wished they were back at school as it was so much easier, no matter how much they complained when they were actually there and I couldn't agree more. I had a routine, I could see my sister on her day off on Wednesday, I could have 6 weeks off in the summer and was guaranteed to have 2 weeks off at Christmas, and I always had an excuse for not working on the blog or youtube channel I've always wanted, but as soon as I leave school and get a job, this would all change, and I didn't want it to.

But the point is, it has, and I can't control that. This doesn't mean I have to get a job I don't like and I never wanted, but I do just have to deal with it. They always say that life is what happens to us while we are making other plans, and it couldn't be more true. This is only one of many hurdles I am going to have to trip over in life so I better get used to it, and see it in more of a positive light and notice the opportunities I now have as supposed to the ones I no longer have.

Does anyone else feel the same?

Phoebe xxx


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